Listen!
by Eddi Delaney
Summary: Chaos urges Vincent to kill people, but Vincent refuses. Everyone else is confused until Vincent finally complies. No pairing oneshot.


Ok, I'm only writing this because I played FF7 again and I can't help it. No one is editing it but me (though I sent jgc a copy, even though she doesn't have the game) and it's weird. Vincent humor fic, of course. EVERYONE knows that Vincent is screwed up, screwed up enough that if he says two sentences everyone gasps in suprise, but he's still funny if you've got an idea. Like me. n.n

If it's in bold, it's Vinnie and Chaos talking in his head. I'm sure you can figure out who's speaking.

And here is the song I'm listening to, if anyone cares.

_I am a squirrel and you're not_

_How pathetic you are_

_I am a squirrel and your not_

_You're only human_

_How pathetic you are_

_You don't have a fluffy tail_

_You don't have squirrely wrath_

_You just build to destroy when all I have to do is collect some nuts_

_You all SUCK_

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Vincent leaned against the wall of the Highwind. Let's just assume Vincent, Tifa, Cloud, Yuffie, and Cid are on this airship, hanging about for no real reason. And Vincent is leaning against the wall.

**Hey, Vincent, Cid is looking pretty dumb today. Sounds like a good excuse to kill him. **

**Can't you come up with a more legitimate reason than 'ugly'?**

**So you admit he's ugly? C'mon, he looks mighty killable today!**

**Um, no. And I think I'll ignore you just said 'mighty killable'.**

"Hey, Vinnie!" Yuffie screamed, running up to him. "Did you know that Tifa is making CAKE?"

"Yes." Vincent lied.

"... oh. Okay then."

**Yep, you sure ruined her fun, Vincent. Now you should shove your hand through her ribcage and tear out her heart! Then show it to Tifa while it's still beating.**

"VINNIE! LET'S GO AND DO A DANCE ON THE MICROWAVE!"

**However tempting that may be, I'm not killing her. Or anyone else for that matter.**

**Then go dance on the microwave with her! Look at her enormous staring eyes!**

He didn't even come out of his head to see her begging him pathetically.

"Grr..." she grred, stomping over to Cloud. "Clouuud, Vinnie isn't paying attention! He's just staring into space like a crazy person!"

Cloud walked over to Vincent and waved a hand in front of his face. Vincent didn't move.

**Will you kill Tifa? Cloud? Barret? Red?**

**No, no, no, and no.**

**Cait Sith?**

Vincent paused to ponder this. Cait Sith WAS annoying.

By this time, "The Amazing Zoned Out Vinnie" was surrounded by... all them people in the Highwind.

"What the # is wrong with ()#)( Vincent?" Cid demanded.

At this point, though, Chaos had his complete attention.

**Of course I don't want to kill them all!**

**Yes you do. You KNOW you do.**

**Well... yeah. But that's not the point! I'm not _going_ to.**

Vincent crossed his arms defiantly. If you thought he was already standing with his arms crossed, you were wrong. They were not. But now they are!

"GASP!" said Tifa. "EMOTION!"

Everyone went, "Ooooooh..."

Chaos decided to let Vincent stand there like a fool not noticing he was surrounded by his future victims. If he could just make Vincent snap, all of them could be killed, just like that!

**Pff. Come now, Vincent. They all hate you. And you don't like them one bit. They're were just exploiting your strength and better than them-ness to save the world! They don't care about your feelings!**

**Ooh, the dreaded 'dot dot dot'. I'm scared. It's not like you don't constantly do it! I mean geez, if you aren't going to kill them, get a social life! I'm dying of boredom stuck in your head!**

**I'm not boring. You're, uh... gay.**

**That's original.**

**CHAOS IS GAY! CHAOS IS GAY!**

**AM NOT!**

**The first step is denial, Chaos.**

**I'll have you know that I am straight! **

"...Yeah, Chaos, straight out GAY..." he muttered.

"What the? I don't even want to know." Tifa said.

"Hee. Chaos is gay." said Cid stupidly.

"HAHAHA! HE SAID GAY!" screamed Yuffie.

**You are SO gay that Bill Nye would date you!**

**... Vincent, I live in your mind and I still don't entirely know what is wrong with you.**

And all was silent. At least in hismind it was.

"Who's Chaos?" Cloud said finally.

"I don't $#$ know. But he must be #$$ gay if $ VINCENT says he is." Guess who said that. Yep. It was Cid.

Yuffie, normally loud, but now silent, was attempting to touch Vincent's Death Penalty. Let us think about this for a moment. NO it is not meant in a perverted manner. Of all the things she could have chosen to touch at the moment, (wow, it STILL sounds perverted) she chose Vincent's huge, shiny, amazing, kick ass, holy-crap-that-thing-rocks, gun. Not THAT, sickos! The awesome weapon he carries and kills stuff with! It was the dumbest thing she could have done. That gun was Vincent's favoritest thing ever! Without it, he wouldn't have a big scary weapon! Which would make him NOT VINCENT. Plus it was currently strapped to his back, which was against the wall.

So she leaned over, and poked the gun.

Vincent stared at her in disbelief.

Yuffie stared back.

Everyone stared in one great big stare fest!

Then it happened. Some random Turk guy walked in.

"Hi Vincent, long time, no see! Yeah, just wanted to grab something." he reached into Vincent's pocket and pulled out a pen. "Remember? You borrowed it from me."

"... ok then." said Vincent.

**Oh! Vincent! He's evil which means you can kill him! DO IT DO IT DO IT! **Chaos chanted do it for about a minute before Vincent got annoyed, and pulling out a pistol, and killed the Turk.

"OMG!" screamed Tifa. "He's DEAD!"

Everyone but Vincent spazzed.

**Uh oh, Vin. It looks like they'll hate you forever. You should kill them.**

**Fine, you gayvert.**

And so he did.

THE END

Well, that was incredibly out of character, but it was fun to write. I finished it in like... 20 minutes. But whatever. We here at Kalilamae Inc. (me and jgc123) have go a thing for mysterious hot guys. Like Vincent. And- no, I'm shutting up now.


End file.
